well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
