No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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