A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
