enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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