Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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