If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
