I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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