Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
