Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
