Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
