apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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