i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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