There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
