Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she smelled like a LAN party
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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