Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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