I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
