idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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