Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
