Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
