I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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