My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
