This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
