i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
