ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
