A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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