I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
But break dance skills will only take you so far
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We are all done wearing pants today
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
