i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
