He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
