I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
