We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
