Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
