You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
