He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
