Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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