I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
