So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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