So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
