Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
