Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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