@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I have post one night stand depression
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
