I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
