I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm too high and old for this...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
