But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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