I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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