They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i need some magic done to my vagina
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
