The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
