dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
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