Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
