next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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