On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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