A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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